


hope is a dangerous thing

by ashtriel



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/F, leliana tries to deal with old feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:55:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23391328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashtriel/pseuds/ashtriel
Summary: "Do you think we're going to keep meeting every time someone threats to end the world?" She asks.
Relationships: Leliana/Morrigan
Comments: 14
Kudos: 75





	hope is a dangerous thing

It's as chilly outside as any night at Skyhold. The cool air plays with strings of red hair, enters her linen blouse, touches her skin leaving a path of goosebumps behind.  
It's easier to walk inside the fortress when she's wearing normal clothes, no hood, no chainmail. People are used to seeing her hidden under her armor, it usually takes them awhile to recognize her without it.

Damned be Josie with her condescending warm eyes and all the sweet talk, the right words, honeyed; all those words that hung heavy and echoed deeply. "She's sick, Leliana. You should be her friend."

Her friend. Friend. If only Josie knew. 

She feels stupid, anxious, in front of that large oak door - so big now that it seems it would swallow her whole. She remembers tales of long lost lovers and the stars, warm fire, the scent of incense, slightly woody, slightly sugared; of carefree laughs and long nights and dog barks. She remembers very well those vivid golden eyes watching her as if she belonged to a different species entirely as they talked about love and feels the warmth growing inside her again, the uncaged butterflies dancing in her stomach as if time never passed, as if she is still the same; as if Morrigan is still the same.

Morrigan no longer looks at her as if she belongs to another world; her glances have an edge of understanding, they are warmer now, more welcoming, more human, less feral.  
She may have lost that sharp edges and silver tongue, but there's a limit to how much one can change.

Yes, damned be Josie and herself for being so weak and falling for that child's play. 

But she already knocked and there's - can't be - no running away. The cough muffled behind thick walls somehow easies the consuming anxiety Leliana feels - she is just there to bring her a tea, to see if she's feeling better and then she'd be gone. Quickly, safe and -

the door cracks open and she is there, barely standing, with her hair loose in a bit of a mess and a robe that isn't warm enough for the cold of Skyhold. Not when it's so thin she can see Morrigan's body underneath. The curve of her breasts, her hips; it makes her lose a breath or two because Morrigan is still the most beautiful woman she's ever seen and the very sight of her is enough to swipe Leliana off her feet. 

Morrigan, unamusedly, takes a sip of water from the glass in her hand before looking down at Leliana's hands. She remains expressionless as she takes a step back to give her room to enter.

It's warm inside. Warmer than most rooms, than her own room. The place is as organized as it can be - books piled on the desk, flasks with herbs inside, hair comber spread alongside perfume bottles and face paint. The sheets are crumbled on the bed and the moon is casting a pale glow inside that makes the room dangerously appealing. But Leliana isn't here to look at decor nor at Morrigan. 

Morrigan says nothing. Simply passes by her, leaving a trail of perfume behind, gets rid of the glass and nestles into her bed, under her sheets. 

" 'tis late." She murmurs from her place in bed. Her voice is low, hoarse, slightly tired. "You can leave that horrible thing somewhere and let your dear friend know I am not a child."

Her words aren't as sharp as it once they'd have been. 

Leliana says nothing. She walks determined to the nightstand, where she puts the cup of warm tea that Josephine made her bring and reaches to feel Morrigan's temperature. She's not terribly hot, but warm enough to have a fever. 

"You have a fever." She states the obvious, letting her hand drop. Her tone don't betrayal the turmoil happening inside of her, it remains as impersonal as possible and she's proud of herself. "Drink the tea."

Morrigan looks at her with the petulance of a child. She considers, probably considers going against Leliana - back then she would've, undoubtedly - but now Morrigan reaches for the cup, inhales the scent before taking a sip. She still has the same petulant look on her eyes, the curve of a smirk on her mouth when she stares at Leliana again. 

"Absolutely disgusting" She says and frowns her nose in a way that Leliana finds adorable. " 'tis not a miraculous tea, I don't know why she bothers. Or you, for that matter."

Leliana chews her bottom lip. "She likes to be welcoming with Skyhold's guests, likes to make sure they're comfortable." 

Morrigan glances at her, eyes dipping down. Her lashes weight too heavy when she blinks and Leliana wonders if it was the subtle change of weather that made her sick. Orlais isn't warm like Antiva, but is definitely not as cold as the Frostbacks and Morrigan just recently arrived. There's a pause, a moment of silence between them; a faint hint of mischievousness when golden eyes find blue ones again. 

"And you are her errand girl?" She shrugs one shoulder, takes another sip of tea as if it means nothing.

There's a curve to her tone that lights a sign on the back of Leliana's mind. Far from simply curiosity or the nag of their old banter; it's an implication of sorts. Leliana is used to such a thing - her job depends on her ability to read people, her life do; and Morrigan is as sneaky as any player of the grand Game, even not being a player herself. 

"She... suggested I'd come. As a favor." 

Morrigan studies her, shifts slightly on the bed.

"I see." She smiles. It's soft, feels warm, but there's a wild edge to it that leaves no room for doubt. "You're a terrible liar."

Another sip and she puts the cup away.

Leliana laughs. Freely and amusedly and she feels her cheeks burning as she lowers her head just a bit, just to hide the blush that creeps on them. Was she truly embarrassed for have one moment where she could just stop thinking about the consequences of her words and allow herself to be naive? It burns deeper than only her cheeks. It's bold of Morrigan, the assumption. She spent more than half of her life lying, hiding something and yet here she is, giving herself away, not bothering in denying it. It is true, after all. Josie might have convinced her to it, but she ended up at Morrigan's door because of a feeling as old as the Fifth Blight.

But she changes the subject, escapes the bait. "You should see a healer, you're too weak to heal yourself."

Morrigan scoffs, loud and indignant. "I am fine." And as to prove her point, or out of simply boredom, she lights a flick of fire between her fingers, toys with it, making the sparkle of fire rise and fall.

Leliana watches it with delight, as if it's the first time she's witnessing magic. It's beautiful - the contrast of fire against pale skin and black nails, the shadow it creates under the moonlight; the delicate movements of Morrigan's fingers.  
Then it's gone.

"If you're expecting an explanation or an apology, you might as well leave." She says, after awhile. The gold in her eyes glisten behind long eyelashes. It's not aggressive - not the look on her eyes or her tone, but Leliana feels a sting nonetheless.

Time long gone, feelings long buried. Or so she thought.

It's the first time, since Morrigan arrived at Skyhold, that they were talking. Properly talking. There was no time for that in Orlais - a pity really, she'd loved to catch the name of the dressmaker and to feel the velvet of that beautiful gown under her fingers. And, she has been purposefully avoiding Morrigan. So, she did not expect her to be so... forthcoming. Not now.

"The past is better if it's let in the past, hm?" Her words aren't half as convincing as she'd like, but Morrigan drops the subject. 

"As you wish."

The silence that hangs between them feels uncomfortable, heavy. Leliana shifts onto her weight knowing that if she gives in, if they where to talk about what had happened between them all those years ago, it would hurt more. She couldn't expect Morrigan to love her now.

"I should..." She gestures at the door. "I should be going." 

Morrigan always has been perceptive - she observed people a lot, in silence, when no one was paying attention, and that made her a dangerous wild card. She smiles, too feral, too malicious. Of course she notices how Leliana lingers, how she doesn't make any mention to leave despite her words. A mistake she wouldn't have done with anyone else.

"Are you that scared of your feelings, songbird?" She asks and her tone is lower and more gentle than before. 

Leliana feels like her voice reaches her spine, tingles all the way to the back of her neck. 

"None of my feelings concern you." She lies, but she breathes faster, inhales sharply, feels the muscle on her leg ache. 

"Mm" Feels condescending, the way Morrigan murmurs. She sinks more into the mattress, covers her body with the wool blanket above the sheets, turns on her side. "You look tired, Leliana. Perhaps you should try and sleep all night for once."

She almost laughs. When was the last time she slept all night? Perhaps ten years ago, in a tent in the middle of nowhere.  
Calmly, Leliana sits at the edge of the bed and remove her boots. Is her tension so palbable?  
She is proving a point, convincing herself more than convincing Morrigan when she lays next to her in a pile of soft pillows. She's close but no close enough to accidentally touch Morrigan. Her scent is everywhere - black jasmine, sugared roses, woody incense. She closes her eyes and inhales it deeply. She could almost smell the forest, hear the fire crackling and Ann playing with the dog.  
Almost.

But the nostalgia have already creeped in, found a way inside, and it's too late. 

"Do you think we're going to keep meeting every time someone threats to end the world?" She asks.

"I certainly hope not." Morrigan whispers and her voice sounds very distant, very eerie. "What made you think 'twas an invite to my bed?"

There's a curve to her tone, a hint of warmth to her words that caress Leliana's skin. She sounds as if she's trying to be playful, light, as if she is flirting. But maybe it takes Leliana too long to answer, maybe her face is doing something that isn't supposed to do, because she feels Morrigan's hand on her arm, a little above her wrist. She holds firmly, pins her down in the mattress as if she's afraid Leliana would leave; afraid she had gotten this all wrong. It's urgent, it's powerful, overwhelms. 

"Do I need one?" She asks, tries to keep it light, to not burst into all the waves of need and want crashing into her body. 

But Morrigan looks at her, longingly and vulnerably, and the otherwise controllable waves become a storm inside Leliana. 

"I've missed you." Leliana whispers too, afraid she'd break, afraid Morrigan would break if her voice was louder. She whispers with the vulnerability she thought she'd left in the past. "You were gone and I..." She trails off, feeling the pain she'd felt on that day all over again. It's sharp, it crushes her ribs, keeps her from breathing. She feels anger too. She feels everything at once. Her body trembles slightly under Morrigan's touch as she decides to shove it all in - afraid Morrigan would just shift into a bird and fly away forever. "I miss you." 

The golden eyes transform into a pool of honeyed amber. In a quick, and graceful, swift movement, Morrigan goes on her knees, passes one leg to the other side of Leliana's body, straddles her; she feels warm and tender in all the right places, her robe is so thin that Leliana can see now her breasts and her stomach and the curve of her waist under the moonlight and, for a moment, she thinks she is dreaming. But Morrigan leans in, to the point where her body is almost completely on top of Leliana's, and kisses her.  
Leliana sighs against that soft lips, fingers tangling in the mess of dark hair. Her heart beats so fast that it's all she hears. Morrigan moves her lips slowly, softly; her mouth feels warm and that kiss tastes of tears and hope. 

"You're going to get sick now" Morrigan says when she pulls away, sits on Leliana's hips. She has a smile dancing on the corner of her mouth but her eyes are like fire.

Leliana chuckles, uses her tongue to feel if Morrigan's taste still lingered on her lips.  
"I don't mind." 

She closes her eyes as Morrigan leans to kiss her cheeks, kissing away the tears that had escaped and that remained there. "I miss you too." She says very softly before kissing Leliana again.

And she tries to ignore the stubborn part of her that says that maybe, just maybe, Morrigan could love her after all.

**Author's Note:**

> All mistakes are my own, English isn't my first language and yadda yadda  
> Title from Lana del Rey's song "hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have"
> 
> I have a lot of feelings for these two idiots and I'm - poorly - trying to put them on paper.


End file.
